Happy Birthday, M! I hope your year is filled with love, food, and shiny things. You deserve all of those things so much. On the romance front, I found you a man at McDs this past weekend. He’s a burly guy with a job, wearing a suit so my work is done. Love you lots -IN
While our first date may have been like the photo above, today was equally lovely if culturally less high-brow. McDs, furniture shopping, and a lot of gourmet sashimi takeout (plated at home of course with micro basil, served with homemade miso soup and pork chips) make for a splendid last summer Friday. Thanks, T for a great day - IN
I started this blog a year ago to document my random musings. Truthfully, it was also a place to catalog all the pretty images I found online.
If you do follow this blog (thank you!), the last few months have been a little too dramatic for my tastes followed by a lot of self-questioning and will need to continue with a lot of honest soul-searching. This time last year, I was still feeling the afterglow of my European getaway and cultivating a tan that could only be described as that perfect shade of glowing. If that sounds vapid, it really wasn’t. The things that I avoided thinking about or indulging in didn’t have a chance before that trip.
That trip was hard to top but going to NYC always brings up other things. If anything, the city will always be a reminder of who I was at 20 and how I envisioned my life now back then. Right now, I am having a Rory-Gilmore-Season-6 moment and it’s going to be awhile before I have my “Rory-returns-to-Yale” moment. I will spare you all from an ever-expanding Gilmore Girls reference where I allude to the corresponding boy/family/career issues.
For now, I am happy that I kept this blog up even though I am having (and bear with me for now) a Rory’s Pink Hair moment - IN
Because I am a student at heart, the first day after Labour Day feels like the beginning of a new year. I have the urge to buy fancy stationery and recreate a home office. The only difference this year is that I am constantly perspiring and the humidity is insane. One of the main reasons that this past summer has been unbearable.
Per usual, I am having a quarter-life crisis. I’m beginning to think that I will send my 20s, essentially in crisis mode. But in any case, I just need to start something. And there really is no better time than the beginning of a new year - IN
That I can make a fresh start is a bit frightening for me. With the summer seemingly ending, the need to make a decision about the direction of my career is much more pressing. I am, as usual, torn between my wants and others’ expectations. What is perhaps more troubling is that I’m not quite sure of what my wants are. It has been a confusing few weeks and unfortunately, I’ve been in a slump. It’s been a lady-of-leisure slump (which gets very expensive) or a teen-angst slump (which is sad when you’re 20-something) but a slump regardless. Neither shopping in Yorkville nor watching tv in my underwear at 2pm is helping me figure out my goals. What I do need now is some clarity and perspective - IN
After years of being in different countries, T and I have shared the last 3 years in the same city. I am being melodramatic but with T being in Spain for the past few days, I’ve been missing him tremendously. Maybe because it’s raining so I’m getting nostalgic and emotional. Or maybe because we really have gotten inseparable in how we live our daily lives. Or maybe I’m just jealous that he is in San Sebastian. Either way, I’m looking forward to him coming home this weekend - IN
Maybe it’s all the mini-dramas going on everywhere in my life or may be the humidity is too damn high! But I don’t like how irritable I’ve been these last few days. I’ve been especially critical, moody, and generally annoyed with everyday situations. I am only at ease when it is just Bear and me and I never pegged myself as one of “those crazy dog people”. As you can imagine, it’s not too fun to be around me since I’ve been snapping at a lot of people lately. It would be half-true and terribly flattering to T to blame my irritability on his being on the other side of the world but I don’t think that’s it. I want to say I’m having a quarter-life crisis but I don’t think that’s it. Because I have been in a quarter-life crisis since I was 19 and I don’t think they last that long. Here’s to hoping for less humidity and more lightness - IN
It is terribly clichéd to admit that after every trip to NYC, I tell myself that I should be doing more with myself. Over the last 6 months, I’ve been feeling underwhelmed with things, like I’m sleeping through my life. It is no wonder that during and after my time in the City, I would have these bouts of brooding over what my 20s should have looked like and whether I can still make something of my 20s. In the last week, as some of you know, my circumstances have changed in a way that really put “my feet to the fire”. I have a chance to figure out what I want to do with myself. I’m sure that whatever comes in the next 6 months will be anticlimactic to the photos above but hopefully, it will put me on the right track towards something closer to what those photos represent. Because just listening to the Manhattan soundtrack and brooding all day is terribly unproductive. I must say, that if you do get the “mean reds”, listening to “Love is Here to Stay” will do the trick. The illogical thing really would be to pack my things and live in the tiniest apartment in Manhattan. I am sure that living in 300 sq. ft. and eating 99-cent pizza would lose its appeal very quickly. So perhaps more importantly, what I need to do now is find something and somewhere that’ll make me want to buy some furniture and give the cat a name - IN
*photos via Irene Sochocki at EyePoetryPhotography
Politics aside, Barack Obama (long before he was even Senator) and Michelle Obama did an interview & photo session with Mariana Cook of The New Yorker about what it means to be a couple in America. In describing his relationship with Michelle, one statement always stood out to me:
…what sustains our relationship is I’m extremely happy with her, and part of it has to do with the fact that she is at once completely familiar to me, so that I can be myself and she knows me very well and I trust her completely, but at the same time she is also a complete mystery to me in some ways. And there are times when we are lying in bed and I look over and sort of have a start. Because I realize here is this other person who is separate and different and has different memories and backgrounds and thoughts and feelings. It’s that tension between familiarity and mystery that makes for something strong, because, even as you build a life of trust and comfort and mutual support, you retain some sense of surprise or wonder about the other person.