It’s been awhile since I’ve last posted. Since moving to Philadelphia with T, I’ve managed to go up 2 to 3 dress sizes. So, all the lovely Club Monaco and Theory dresses that are supposed to fit no longer do. During one warm weekend, at my complete horror that I can only fit into one pair of shorts, I decided to order a juice cleanse.
It’s day 4 of my 5-day juice cleanse and I can say I’m definitely excited to eat solid food in 24 hours. I wish I could say I didn’t cheat at all during this cleanse but here are the violations: 1) one soft-shelled crab that T made at midnight after I nearly passed out on the street on our way to the movies; 2) 3 miso broths; 3) 1 egg; and 4) 1 thai bubble tea (after a 45 minute walk). I’ve been told that I’m supposed to feel better after this cleanse but I’m not so sure. I feel a little less heavy, I suppose but I can’t say I feel energized or clear-headed. In fact, I’m reminded of the late David Rakoff when he went on a 20-day fast (of juices and empty broths):
“This fast hasn’t lessened my usual feelings of venality and guilt. If anything, they’ve increased a little because my days are taken up in this narcissistic rumination about my intake and my output. Between the hours of making the broth and the enemas, this is one of the most self-obsessed things I have ever done in my life. And I say that as a first-person journalist.” - David Rakoff, 2004
If anything, I can’t stop thinking about food, especially about salt. I’ve been sleeping constantly to stave off the fact that I’m not eating and that I haven’t left the apartment. Any revelation I’ve had is, in fact, how much I love food. I don’t travel to exotic places just to dine at exclusive restaurants for naught. And what’s worse is that my self-containment has shown me how much of my social life revolves around food itself.
At the end of this, in 24 hours, I don’t know whether I would recommend this to anyone. Perhaps a 3-day cleanse may kick start healthier habits but I’m not so sure. Like the late and great Rakoff, something that is supposed to be cleansing and purifying is perhaps the one thing that’s become the most narcissistic and self-involved thing I’ve done. And I say that as a twenty-something millenial - IN