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Inspiring Nostalgia

personal musings of a native Torontonian, currently living in Philadelphia. she predicts she will turn into Emily Gilmore when she gets older.
Hello darlings! 
It’s been awhile since I’ve last posted.  Since moving to Philadelphia with T, I’ve managed to go up 2 to 3 dress sizes.  So, all the lovely Club Monaco and Theory dresses that are supposed to fit no longer do. During one warm weekend, at my complete horror that I can only fit into one pair of shorts, I decided to order a juice cleanse.  
It’s day 4 of my 5-day juice cleanse and I can say I’m definitely excited to eat solid food in 24 hours. I wish I could say I didn’t cheat at all during this cleanse but here are the violations: 1) one soft-shelled crab that T made at midnight after I nearly passed out on the street on our way to the movies; 2) 3 miso broths; 3) 1 egg; and 4) 1 thai bubble tea (after a 45 minute walk). I’ve been told that I’m supposed to feel better after this cleanse but I’m not so sure. I feel a little less heavy, I suppose but I can’t say I feel energized or clear-headed.  In fact, I’m reminded of the late David Rakoff when he went on a 20-day fast (of juices and empty broths): 
“This fast hasn’t lessened my usual feelings of venality and guilt. If anything, they’ve increased a little because my days are taken up in this narcissistic rumination about my intake and my output. Between the hours of making the broth and the enemas, this is one of the most self-obsessed things I have ever done in my life. And I say that as a first-person journalist.” - David Rakoff, 2004
If anything, I can’t stop thinking about food, especially about salt.  I’ve been sleeping constantly to stave off the fact that I’m not eating and that I haven’t left the apartment.  Any revelation I’ve had is, in fact, how much I love food.  I don’t travel to exotic places just to dine at exclusive restaurants for naught.  And what’s worse is that my self-containment has shown me how much of my social life revolves around food itself. 
At the end of this, in 24 hours, I don’t know whether I would recommend this to anyone.  Perhaps a 3-day cleanse may kick start healthier habits but I’m not so sure.  Like the late and great Rakoff, something that is supposed to be cleansing and purifying is perhaps the one thing that’s become the most narcissistic and self-involved thing I’ve done.  And I say that as a twenty-something millenial - IN

Hello darlings! 

It’s been awhile since I’ve last posted.  Since moving to Philadelphia with T, I’ve managed to go up 2 to 3 dress sizes.  So, all the lovely Club Monaco and Theory dresses that are supposed to fit no longer do. During one warm weekend, at my complete horror that I can only fit into one pair of shorts, I decided to order a juice cleanse.  

It’s day 4 of my 5-day juice cleanse and I can say I’m definitely excited to eat solid food in 24 hours. I wish I could say I didn’t cheat at all during this cleanse but here are the violations: 1) one soft-shelled crab that T made at midnight after I nearly passed out on the street on our way to the movies; 2) 3 miso broths; 3) 1 egg; and 4) 1 thai bubble tea (after a 45 minute walk). I’ve been told that I’m supposed to feel better after this cleanse but I’m not so sure. I feel a little less heavy, I suppose but I can’t say I feel energized or clear-headed.  In fact, I’m reminded of the late David Rakoff when he went on a 20-day fast (of juices and empty broths): 

This fast hasn’t lessened my usual feelings of venality and guilt. If anything, they’ve increased a little because my days are taken up in this narcissistic rumination about my intake and my output. Between the hours of making the broth and the enemas, this is one of the most self-obsessed things I have ever done in my life. And I say that as a first-person journalist.” - David Rakoff, 2004

If anything, I can’t stop thinking about food, especially about salt.  I’ve been sleeping constantly to stave off the fact that I’m not eating and that I haven’t left the apartment.  Any revelation I’ve had is, in fact, how much I love food.  I don’t travel to exotic places just to dine at exclusive restaurants for naught.  And what’s worse is that my self-containment has shown me how much of my social life revolves around food itself. 

At the end of this, in 24 hours, I don’t know whether I would recommend this to anyone.  Perhaps a 3-day cleanse may kick start healthier habits but I’m not so sure.  Like the late and great Rakoff, something that is supposed to be cleansing and purifying is perhaps the one thing that’s become the most narcissistic and self-involved thing I’ve done.  And I say that as a twenty-something millenial - IN

— 5 months ago with 1 note
#juice cleanse  #diet  #personal  #food  #david rakoff  #fast 
How fast time has flown by. I feel like I just moved to Philadelphia last week but it’s been over a month. Silly, how I cringed at the thought of living with T but now, it’s as if we’ve always lived together. While this was a summer devoid of decadent vacations and soundtrack-inspiring landscapes, these past 2 months have definitely been memorable - IN

How fast time has flown by. I feel like I just moved to Philadelphia last week but it’s been over a month. Silly, how I cringed at the thought of living with T but now, it’s as if we’ve always lived together. While this was a summer devoid of decadent vacations and soundtrack-inspiring landscapes, these past 2 months have definitely been memorable - IN

(Source: buthalfanhour, via greenlikebathwater)

— 1 year ago with 349 notes
#summer  #calligraphy  #hand-written notes  #hand-written letters  #stationery  #nostalgia  #personal 
Bear and I walk across (a chalk map of) Canada before I head south of the border. He is my favorite creature and I’m going to miss him so - IN

Bear and I walk across (a chalk map of) Canada before I head south of the border. He is my favorite creature and I’m going to miss him so - IN

— 1 year ago
#english bulldog  #bear the bulldog  #bulldog  #personal  #nostalgia 
Happy Birthday, M! I hope your year is filled with love, food, and shiny things. You deserve all of those things so much. On the romance front, I found you a man at McDs this past weekend. He’s a burly guy with a job, wearing a suit so my work is done. Love you lots -IN

Happy Birthday, M! I hope your year is filled with love, food, and shiny things. You deserve all of those things so much. On the romance front, I found you a man at McDs this past weekend. He’s a burly guy with a job, wearing a suit so my work is done. Love you lots -IN

— 1 year ago with 1 note
#McDs  #Happy Meal  #personal  #birthday 
While our first date may have been like the photo above, today was equally lovely if culturally less high-brow. McDs, furniture shopping, and a lot of gourmet sashimi takeout (plated at home of course with micro basil, served with homemade miso soup and pork chips) make for a splendid last summer Friday. Thanks, T for a great day - IN

While our first date may have been like the photo above, today was equally lovely if culturally less high-brow. McDs, furniture shopping, and a lot of gourmet sashimi takeout (plated at home of course with micro basil, served with homemade miso soup and pork chips) make for a splendid last summer Friday. Thanks, T for a great day - IN

(Source: micaceous, via julieleah)

— 2 years ago with 136669 notes
#couples  #MoMA  #personal  #summer 
I started this blog a year ago to document my random musings.  Truthfully, it was also a place to catalog all the pretty images I found online. 
If you do follow this blog (thank you!), the last few months have been a little too dramatic for my tastes followed by a lot of self-questioning and will need to continue with a lot of honest soul-searching.  This time last year, I was still feeling the afterglow of my European getaway and cultivating a tan that could only be described as that perfect shade of glowing. If that sounds vapid, it really wasn’t. The things that I avoided thinking about or indulging in didn’t have a chance before that trip. 
That trip was hard to top but going to NYC always brings up other things. If anything, the city will always be a reminder of who I was at 20 and how I envisioned my life now back then. Right now, I am having a Rory-Gilmore-Season-6 moment and it’s going to be awhile before I have my “Rory-returns-to-Yale” moment. I will spare you all from an ever-expanding Gilmore Girls reference where I allude to the corresponding boy/family/career issues.
For now, I am happy that I kept this blog up even though I am having (and bear with me for now) a Rory’s Pink Hair moment - IN

I started this blog a year ago to document my random musings.  Truthfully, it was also a place to catalog all the pretty images I found online. 

If you do follow this blog (thank you!), the last few months have been a little too dramatic for my tastes followed by a lot of self-questioning and will need to continue with a lot of honest soul-searching.  This time last year, I was still feeling the afterglow of my European getaway and cultivating a tan that could only be described as that perfect shade of glowing. If that sounds vapid, it really wasn’t. The things that I avoided thinking about or indulging in didn’t have a chance before that trip. 

That trip was hard to top but going to NYC always brings up other things. If anything, the city will always be a reminder of who I was at 20 and how I envisioned my life now back then. Right now, I am having a Rory-Gilmore-Season-6 moment and it’s going to be awhile before I have my “Rory-returns-to-Yale” moment. I will spare you all from an ever-expanding Gilmore Girls reference where I allude to the corresponding boy/family/career issues.

For now, I am happy that I kept this blog up even though I am having (and bear with me for now) a Rory’s Pink Hair moment - IN

(Source: just-one-drop-in-the-ocean, via my-quarterlifecrisis)

— 2 years ago with 13759 notes
#summer  #ocean  #personal 
Because I am a student at heart, the first day after Labour Day feels like the beginning of a new year. I have the urge to buy fancy stationery and recreate a home office. The only difference this year is that I am constantly perspiring and the humidity is insane.  One of the main reasons that this past summer has been unbearable.
Per usual, I am having a quarter-life crisis.  I’m beginning to think that I will send my 20s, essentially in crisis mode. But in any case, I just need to start something. And there really is no better time than the beginning of a new year - IN

Because I am a student at heart, the first day after Labour Day feels like the beginning of a new year. I have the urge to buy fancy stationery and recreate a home office. The only difference this year is that I am constantly perspiring and the humidity is insane.  One of the main reasons that this past summer has been unbearable.

Per usual, I am having a quarter-life crisis.  I’m beginning to think that I will send my 20s, essentially in crisis mode. But in any case, I just need to start something. And there really is no better time than the beginning of a new year - IN

(via this-is-glamorous)

— 2 years ago with 578 notes
#summer  #gardens  #fountain  #personal 
That I can make a fresh start is a bit frightening for me. With the summer seemingly ending, the need to make a decision about the direction of my career is much more pressing. I am, as usual, torn between my wants and others’ expectations. What is perhaps more troubling is that I’m not quite sure of what my wants are. It has been a confusing few weeks and unfortunately, I’ve been in a slump. It’s been a lady-of-leisure slump (which gets very expensive) or a teen-angst slump (which is sad when you’re 20-something) but a slump regardless. Neither shopping in Yorkville nor watching tv in my underwear at 2pm is helping me figure out my goals. What I do need now is some clarity and perspective - IN

That I can make a fresh start is a bit frightening for me. With the summer seemingly ending, the need to make a decision about the direction of my career is much more pressing. I am, as usual, torn between my wants and others’ expectations. What is perhaps more troubling is that I’m not quite sure of what my wants are. It has been a confusing few weeks and unfortunately, I’ve been in a slump. It’s been a lady-of-leisure slump (which gets very expensive) or a teen-angst slump (which is sad when you’re 20-something) but a slump regardless. Neither shopping in Yorkville nor watching tv in my underwear at 2pm is helping me figure out my goals. What I do need now is some clarity and perspective - IN

(Source: scorpionflowery, via greenlikebathwater)

— 2 years ago with 150 notes
#garden  #summer  #personal  #tree 
After years of being in different countries, T and I have shared the last 3 years in the same city. I am being melodramatic but with T being in Spain for the past few days, I’ve been missing him tremendously. Maybe because it’s raining so I’m getting nostalgic and emotional. Or maybe because we really have gotten inseparable in how we live our daily lives. Or maybe I’m just jealous that he is in San Sebastian. Either way, I’m looking forward to him coming home this weekend - IN

After years of being in different countries, T and I have shared the last 3 years in the same city. I am being melodramatic but with T being in Spain for the past few days, I’ve been missing him tremendously. Maybe because it’s raining so I’m getting nostalgic and emotional. Or maybe because we really have gotten inseparable in how we live our daily lives. Or maybe I’m just jealous that he is in San Sebastian. Either way, I’m looking forward to him coming home this weekend - IN

(Source: ladiesandgentry, via bourbonandpearls)

— 2 years ago with 119 notes
#fashion  #style  #summer style  #summer  #couples  #personal 
Maybe it’s all the mini-dramas going on everywhere in my life or may be the humidity is too damn high! But I don’t like how irritable I’ve been these last few days. I’ve been especially critical, moody, and generally annoyed with everyday situations. I am only at ease when it is just Bear and me and I never pegged myself as one of “those crazy dog people”.  As you can imagine, it’s not too fun to be around me since I’ve been snapping at a lot of people lately. It would be half-true and terribly flattering to T to blame my irritability on his being on the other side of the world but I don’t think that’s it. I want to say I’m having a quarter-life crisis but I don’t think that’s it. Because I have been in a quarter-life crisis since I was 19 and I don’t think they last that long. Here’s to hoping for less humidity and more lightness - IN

Maybe it’s all the mini-dramas going on everywhere in my life or may be the humidity is too damn high! But I don’t like how irritable I’ve been these last few days. I’ve been especially critical, moody, and generally annoyed with everyday situations. I am only at ease when it is just Bear and me and I never pegged myself as one of “those crazy dog people”. As you can imagine, it’s not too fun to be around me since I’ve been snapping at a lot of people lately. It would be half-true and terribly flattering to T to blame my irritability on his being on the other side of the world but I don’t think that’s it. I want to say I’m having a quarter-life crisis but I don’t think that’s it. Because I have been in a quarter-life crisis since I was 19 and I don’t think they last that long. Here’s to hoping for less humidity and more lightness - IN

(Source: loveliegreenie, via witanddelight)

— 2 years ago with 1689 notes
#flowers  #personal 
It is terribly clichéd to admit that after every trip to NYC, I tell myself that I should be doing more with myself.  Over the last 6 months, I’ve been feeling underwhelmed with things, like I’m sleeping through my life. It is no wonder that during and after my time in the City, I would have these bouts of brooding over what my 20s should have looked like and whether I can still make something of my 20s.  In the last week, as some of you know, my circumstances have changed in a way that really put “my feet to the fire”. I have a chance to figure out what I want to do with myself.  I’m sure that whatever comes in the next 6 months will be anticlimactic to the photos above but hopefully, it will put me on the right track towards something closer to what those photos represent.  Because just listening to the Manhattan soundtrack and brooding all day is terribly unproductive. I must say, that if you do get the "mean reds", listening to "Love is Here to Stay" will do the trick.  The illogical thing really would be to pack my things and live in the tiniest apartment in Manhattan. I am sure that living in 300 sq. ft. and eating 99-cent pizza would lose its appeal very quickly. So perhaps more importantly,  what I need to do now is find something and somewhere that’ll make me want to buy some furniture and give the cat a name - IN
*photos via Irene Sochocki at EyePoetryPhotography

It is terribly clichéd to admit that after every trip to NYC, I tell myself that I should be doing more with myself.  Over the last 6 months, I’ve been feeling underwhelmed with things, like I’m sleeping through my life. It is no wonder that during and after my time in the City, I would have these bouts of brooding over what my 20s should have looked like and whether I can still make something of my 20s.  In the last week, as some of you know, my circumstances have changed in a way that really put “my feet to the fire”. I have a chance to figure out what I want to do with myself.  I’m sure that whatever comes in the next 6 months will be anticlimactic to the photos above but hopefully, it will put me on the right track towards something closer to what those photos represent.  Because just listening to the Manhattan soundtrack and brooding all day is terribly unproductive. I must say, that if you do get the "mean reds", listening to "Love is Here to Stay" will do the trick.  The illogical thing really would be to pack my things and live in the tiniest apartment in Manhattan. I am sure that living in 300 sq. ft. and eating 99-cent pizza would lose its appeal very quickly. So perhaps more importantly,  what I need to do now is find something and somewhere that’ll make me want to buy some furniture and give the cat a name - IN

*photos via Irene Sochocki at EyePoetryPhotography

— 2 years ago with 79 notes
#personal  #nyc  #new york city  #summer 2012  #manhattan 
Politics aside, Barack Obama (long before he was even Senator) and Michelle Obama did an interview & photo session with Mariana Cook of The New Yorker about what it means to be a couple in America.  In describing his relationship with Michelle, one statement always stood out to me: 
…what sustains our relationship is I’m extremely happy with her, and part of it has to do with the fact that she is at once completely familiar to me, so that I can be myself and she knows me very well and I trust her completely, but at the same time she is also a complete mystery to me in some ways. And there are times when we are lying in bed and I look over and sort of have a start. Because I realize here is this other person who is separate and different and has different memories and backgrounds and thoughts and feelings. It’s that tension between familiarity and mystery that makes for something strong, because, even as you build a life of trust and comfort and mutual support, you retain some sense of surprise or wonder about the other person.

T used to tell me how everytime he saw me, he felt both ease and nervousness. A blend of feelings that came from him being my best friend for many years and feelings that emerged as we started dating.    In the first few years of our relationship, I expected a lot of fanfare (fireworks! butterflies! other romantic elements the media portrays!).  It made me wonder if we were settling into each other too well too soon, that the ‘fanfare’ was unnecessary. 

When we sit together in silence, not unhappily but in quiet contentment, I catch him looking at me after I’ve been completely lost in my own thoughts. There is a moment when I feel a mixture of guilt and sadness that he can’t access those thoughts. That even if I tried to articulate them to him, much of the meaning would be lost once they were put into words. 

While he has been able to access that perfect ease to nervousness ratio all this time, I’m experiencing now. And it really is the best possible kind of ‘fanfare’ - one that I couldn’t have even imagined to experience. It really isn’t keeping one’s ‘mystique’ or other easy catchwords but, as Mr. President suggests, “ that tension between familiarity and mystery that makes for something strong, because, even as you build a life of trust and comfort and mutual support, you retain some sense of surprise or wonder about the other person." 

-IN
 

Politics aside, Barack Obama (long before he was even Senator) and Michelle Obama did an interview & photo session with Mariana Cook of The New Yorker about what it means to be a couple in America.  In describing his relationship with Michelle, one statement always stood out to me: 

…what sustains our relationship is I’m extremely happy with her, and part of it has to do with the fact that she is at once completely familiar to me, so that I can be myself and she knows me very well and I trust her completely, but at the same time she is also a complete mystery to me in some ways. And there are times when we are lying in bed and I look over and sort of have a start. Because I realize here is this other person who is separate and different and has different memories and backgrounds and thoughts and feelings. It’s that tension between familiarity and mystery that makes for something strong, because, even as you build a life of trust and comfort and mutual support, you retain some sense of surprise or wonder about the other person.


T used to tell me how everytime he saw me, he felt both ease and nervousness. A blend of feelings that came from him being my best friend for many years and feelings that emerged as we started dating.    In the first few years of our relationship, I expected a lot of fanfare (fireworks! butterflies! other romantic elements the media portrays!).  It made me wonder if we were settling into each other too well too soon, that the ‘fanfare’ was unnecessary. 

When we sit together in silence, not unhappily but in quiet contentment, I catch him looking at me after I’ve been completely lost in my own thoughts. There is a moment when I feel a mixture of guilt and sadness that he can’t access those thoughts. That even if I tried to articulate them to him, much of the meaning would be lost once they were put into words. 
While he has been able to access that perfect ease to nervousness ratio all this time, I’m experiencing now. And it really is the best possible kind of ‘fanfare’ - one that I couldn’t have even imagined to experience. It really isn’t keeping one’s ‘mystique’ or other easy catchwords but, as Mr. President suggests, “ that tension between familiarity and mystery that makes for something strong, because, even as you build a life of trust and comfort and mutual support, you retain some sense of surprise or wonder about the other person.
-IN
 




(via my-quarterlifecrisis)

— 2 years ago with 13485 notes
#couples  #personal